remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
