So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
