i would punch a child for taco bell
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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