my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
