I think my fart just growled at me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
