I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
