I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
