i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
