I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
