Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
