Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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