I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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