sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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