Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
