Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i came on her dog
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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