we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i think my cat just said my name.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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