I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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