I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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