she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You ruined the universe
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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