I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
