Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
