nut hugger
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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