nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
