he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
