i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
