my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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