Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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