i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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