it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
