found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
