You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My balls are so social today.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is Oprah even human
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
