is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
