that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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