I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
