I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
