Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
