Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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