so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
