I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
