I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
