i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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