I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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