I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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