do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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