She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
