Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Do vagina's smell?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
