Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
