is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
