Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
