I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
