My hand turned me down
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
