i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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