dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
